Libby Williams Photoblog » this is a personal photoblog

Today is Mother’s Day.

It is my 9th time experiencing this day as someone’s mother.

There was no breakfast in bed. There were no flowers on my nightstand when I woke up.  No coffee was made for me. There was no sleeping in. I was up at 7 AM to feed a cat and let two restless dogs go outside. Right now, I am doing laundry while the dishwasher silently hums along in the next room. I have sheets to clean, laundry to fold, grocery shopping to do and dinner to make. We have no fancy brunch plans with the family or dinner plans right now. It’s just me and him. Quietly doing what we both do.

But today, I got this note – a love note from my son. He needed help with finding the right paper. He wanted scissors and glue. He needed a pencil sharpener and a quick, encouraging hug when he got frustrated with the tape. His efforts were grand for such a gesture. He made 4 cards until he got it right – and just the way he wanted it.

And with this little gift – this tiny gesture of gratitude and love – I can keep forging ahead through piles of laundry, dishwashers filled with chipped glasses and marked plates, and shopping bags filled with dried pastas while sifting through the complexity and the worry and the wonder that only being a mother can bring.

This isn’t true love.

It is whole love.

This is the kind of love that completes your soul. The kind of love you don’t mind working on or investing in or hurting for or losing sleep over. It is big love that isn’t panicked or rushed or overwhelming. It is as smooth and round as a ball and as big as the world.

And just like a circle, it never ends. It just keeps coming right back to you, bouncing it’s way through your shattered heart and filling it up once again.

I am not known for giving up on things. Not jobs. Not friends. Not my laundry or my errands. But on occasion, I will listen to my heart and my soul and tap out of the game before a checkmate is called. I will quit the game midway. Maybe the rules changed on me somehow. Maybe my soul is depleted. Or maybe I simply need a break.

Today, I tapped out. My soul hurts. My heart has had enough. And my needs aren’t being met in almost every aspect of my life. So I shut down for an hour or more and stopped this match. I pulled the covers over my head and I slept. I shuffled around and looked at walls. I watched some TV. I looked at the sky filled with birds busy looking for their next meal or their gust of luscious wind to float them on to tomorrow’s adventure.

But for now, I am taking a break… just happy to sit back and have a rest while I watch and wait for my own little breeze to carry me on to the next big game.

Beauty is reflected in the soul.

There is beauty in life. All of it. The adversity and the simplicity. The carelessness and the careful, meticlulously-planned moments. The beginnings and the endings. Look closely. See the differences and embrace them like they are all unique and lovely elements that make up the rich, amazing story of life of love and of you.