the fight for passion


All over downtown are these little thoughtful questions unobtrusively spray painted in nooks and crannies, against stuccoed walls and under foot on the cracked pavement. If you are not paying careful attention, you can miss them. I stumbled upon one about a year or so ago. I was looking for some inspiration for a friend who wanted an image for a blog post. Admittedly, I had seen these little snippets before, but they never penetrated my head. I was too busy in the march of my daily life to stop and answer the question that was begging for a such a complicated answer.

We are all too busy. Too busy for lunch with a friend. Too busy to fix a proper dinner. Too busy to relax on the weekend with family. Our schedules jammed packed with activities. To busy with birthday parties and homework and grocery shopping for prepackaged food to remember to sit for an hour with my sister or read a story to my 10 year-old son. We pretend to have balance and passion and love. We make believe our lives are as lovely as the photos we put on Facebook of beach picnics and fall trips and dinner parties and celebrations of life. But really, isn’t it just a lot of crossing check boxes off our list?

When I saw this question etched into the sidewalk the other day, I almost passed it by. I was with my sister after a leisurely morning of coffee and chatting and sifting through the crap of our lives trying to find a garbage can big enough for all our worries and wonderings while we carefully hung onto our hopes and dreams and lofty goals like fragile eggs that were about to bust open. I stumbled outside of the coffee shop to find this etched into the sidewalk, burned into my brain forever. My sister looked at me and said, “I am not passionate about anything.” And I responded, “Yes. Yes you are. It’s just hiding around the corner waiting to be discovered. You just have to want find it.”

I am passionate. About a lot of things. Some are convenient – like cooking and yoga and being a mom. Others are a little more complicated – like travel and being a mom. But life gets in the way and takes over, like a parasite that feeds off of your positive energy. It takes everything you have got to fight through sickness and death and homework and carpool and grocery stores and work that you have such little left for the passion that has energetically propelled you to get through it all in the first place. And you become another ant, marching dutifully through life only giving what is required of you.

Passion is hiding around that corner. And it wants me to find it. It wants me to grab it and throw it to the ground. Passion wants my life to feel on the inside as amazing as it looks on Facebook to the world. Passion wants me to fight – and fight hard.

So fight hard, I will.

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